She gives me the fight I need to survive Before I go to bed every evening I take my multitude of narcotics ( thanks doc.)
the issue is when I awake for work the following morning, I am still groggy and I feel drunk, I even bump into things and sometimes slur my words or I have slowed speech. I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO TO WORK LIKE THIS!
Thank goodness I have a great boss. This morning I felt careless, and sad. I went to the mall on my lunch break and although I didn't feel like shopping, shopping I did. $300 in 30 minutes. I shouldn't even be shopping, I have so many bills over due.
I wish with all my heart I could feel alive again, enjoy the breeze through my hair, the rain softly on my face.
unfortunately death in in every thought, every crevice of my mind. The mind is such an amazing thing but at the same time it is demonic and it can both create and destroy simultaneously just as it did for a number of well know people, such as: Kurt Cobain, Mel Gibson, Ernest Hemingway, Patrick J. Kennedy, Vivien Leigh, Marilyn Monroe, Florence Nightingale, Edgar Allan Poe, Frank Sinatra, Vincent van Gogh, Robin Williams, Virginia Woolf, Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Not to say that my talent is anywhere near these grand men and women, but just knowing that I am not alone and so many others out there can not just survive with this illness but can also prosper.
my depressive state is the worst, sleeping, crying, not getting out of bed for days at a time, not feeling the need to shower for days, being irritated, slow thinking. it's all misery.
although I must say I don't mind the mania, it makes me feel like I am a 1930's mother, house cleaned, kids dressed, dinner made, cookies baked, laundry done and folded, all with a smile. I even play with my kids, sing and dance with them. those are the moments I cherish, as crazy as it sounds. well at some point I will tell you my life stories and defining moments, the good the bad the ugly, just not at this time, As I am still yet to be ready.
the issue is when I awake for work the following morning, I am still groggy and I feel drunk, I even bump into things and sometimes slur my words or I have slowed speech. I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GO TO WORK LIKE THIS!
Thank goodness I have a great boss. This morning I felt careless, and sad. I went to the mall on my lunch break and although I didn't feel like shopping, shopping I did. $300 in 30 minutes. I shouldn't even be shopping, I have so many bills over due.
I wish with all my heart I could feel alive again, enjoy the breeze through my hair, the rain softly on my face.
unfortunately death in in every thought, every crevice of my mind. The mind is such an amazing thing but at the same time it is demonic and it can both create and destroy simultaneously just as it did for a number of well know people, such as: Kurt Cobain, Mel Gibson, Ernest Hemingway, Patrick J. Kennedy, Vivien Leigh, Marilyn Monroe, Florence Nightingale, Edgar Allan Poe, Frank Sinatra, Vincent van Gogh, Robin Williams, Virginia Woolf, Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Not to say that my talent is anywhere near these grand men and women, but just knowing that I am not alone and so many others out there can not just survive with this illness but can also prosper.
my depressive state is the worst, sleeping, crying, not getting out of bed for days at a time, not feeling the need to shower for days, being irritated, slow thinking. it's all misery.
although I must say I don't mind the mania, it makes me feel like I am a 1930's mother, house cleaned, kids dressed, dinner made, cookies baked, laundry done and folded, all with a smile. I even play with my kids, sing and dance with them. those are the moments I cherish, as crazy as it sounds. well at some point I will tell you my life stories and defining moments, the good the bad the ugly, just not at this time, As I am still yet to be ready.
